Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Ever have that "feeling"????

Tomorrow is just one of those days.  I don't want to sound like Negative Nellie or Debbie Downer, but I'm sort of bracing myself. 

You see, it's a school day for Clark.  That, in and of itself, is slightly challenging because I hate to feel like we are shoving him in the classroom door when he is begging not to go to school ("No school.  No.  Not today.").  Troy feels genuinely sad for him too and we are both hoping that it's just an adjustment period.  But it's hard to sit back and hear him get so upset and not scoop him up and tell him that we will just try again some other time.  I know in my heart that this is a good thing for him.  He has benefitted by the extra help he has received so far and I think that the classroom experience has even greater potential to help him move forward.  So it's a school day.  With Valentines.  Kendall helped me make Valentines for the children in Clark's classroom.  That's the up-side to school tomorrow.  Valentines.

It's also three-year-physical day.  Just for the girls because he will be at school and we didn't want to disrupt the new routine.  I will have to take him separately on Monday.  Oh joy of joys.  Two girls at the doctor tomorrow.  And they will have a better idea of things that are happening.  I've already been told that they will have a blood draw (finger prick as I understand it) and we are VERY far behind on vaccines, so there will most likely be some sort of vaccine to deal with as well.

Which leads me to my next round of craziness for the evening as I sit here pondering over vaccines.  I don't want to start a big debate here, but I just need to get this out.  I am only expressing my concern for what is coming.  In a perfect world, I will pick a vaccine, they will receive it and have zilcho problems or discomfort.  More realistically, there is a chance of some sort of unpleasant side effects (mild fevers, crankiness, soreness, etc).  And then there is the chance that it could be the one thing that just isn't good for one of our kids (I took a medication ten years ago that caused me to have two seizures).  I'm one of those who feels that there are too many vaccines pumped into the kids at such a young age.  I DO feel that vaccines have their place and my intention is for the kids to have most of them before they start school.  But I just want to give my preemie babies a little longer to be sure that their bodies can handle the junk in the vaccines. 

I am typing this post while Troy is reading a vaccine book to me and we make the parental decision that will make me want to be sick tomorrow.  It's such a huge responsibility and concern to make these medical decision for your children.  You don't know how things will turn out.  Troy just explained that I had this little "mantra/quote" thing slightly wrong.  I thought it was something like "Hope for the best.  Expect the worst."  He explained that it's really more like "Hope for the best and PREPARE for the worst."  I agree that it's a much better process and that's what I'm going for now.  I'm going to be prepared that it might be a difficult day.  But it might just be no big deal.

The girls will give me that look when they realize that I have just allowed them to be subjected to the administration of the vaccine.  And they will give me another look when they have to have blood drawn.  Suddenly the fun of playing with the doctor's kit and shouting "shot" while touching someone's arm will potentially lose the innocence as they realize that shots do sting a little (or more).   So there is a chance that I might be taking away some sort of fun, innocent, playful activity once we experience this particular check up.

And we can only hope that Mommy doesn't pass out.  That was a former coping mechanism for me whenever I would get blood drawn or have any sort of injections.  I thought I was cured because of all of the sticks and stabs received during the pregnancy, but had another "passing out" incident last summer when I had a cortisone injection in my wrist.  We can only hope that my "mommy-mode-adrenaline" will kick in and I can be strong for my girls.  Auntie Karen will be there too, but she is a weenie like I am and plans to be the good guy in the room. ;)

As if all that wasn't enough, this is an odd week for our family as Troy's mother's birthday (who would be Grandma to our children, but never met them) would have been this past Monday.  And my mother's birthday (Nana to the kids) would be tomorrow.  Yes.  Tomorrow.  The day of all days.

Did I mention that I have a feeling about tomorrow?  I want to  be positive and think that things will go smoothly, but it is just a lot for a mom at one time. 

I took a few quick shots of the kids after Daddy got home and we were having some quiet playtime in Emma's room before bed.  We had a little storytime together and it was cute seeing the kids crowding around Daddy while he read to them.  Then they were playing with their View Masters and sharing the different picture wheels.  I think Clark even walked into his room for bedtime without much of a fight, if any. 

So, if I manage to post tomorrow night then it might indicate that Thursday was just Thursday. But I might not be able to muster up the energy to post, so I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.


Karen said...

If it's any consolation I was having some of the same feelings this evening...Clark, the girls, Mom...BUT decided it's going to be fine. We're going to focus on Valentines for Clark, Frosties or lollipops for the girls and feeling blessed that Nana thought your babies were beautiful. The worries are just going to have wait for another day. Prayers and Hugs!

Rose said...

I will say a prayer for you today because you have entirely too much stuff to deal with in 1 day! Clark will get to experience his "1st Valentine friends" and he will be fine-probably even excited. The girls will recover from the Dr. appointment and hopefully not be traumatized. Our kids lived through it and I know there is more fears now but I'm praying everything will be okay. You on the other hand, need a HUG!
Hold your chin up and watch God unfold your day!